I'm getting dressed this morning, and I realise that I've forgotten to do laundry again. I have no clean pants. No need to panic, though. I just dig through my emergency supply of pants I haven't thrown away yet. This is a mound of clothes that are either ugly, ripped, or just don't fit anymore. They need to go to GoodWill, but who has the time for that?
I grab a random pair, dreading the nut-pinching, gut-cinching discomfort that I'm going to have to bear today. When I wear emergency pants I normally end up unbuttoning them at some point just to let my intestines breathe a little, and end up looking like a complete dork for it. So, I step into them, pull them up, button them closed and...THEY FIT! I'm a 32 waist again!
A little backstory might be in order. I was a 32 waist in highschool, and stayed there until a few years ago. That's when I got majorly hooked on video games. I plumped up to around a 36, which sounds deceptively light until you realise that I carry all my weight in my gut. I had a nice, pregnant little gullet hanging on my skinny body. I looked kinda like Gollum. It was pretty sad.
But no more! I've shuttled back in the time, baby! Who needs a Delorian? I've got highschool jeans!
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